seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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