Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
