allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
