..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
