if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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