I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
