He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
