Betty ford says i'm here all night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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