i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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