i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
