he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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