He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
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There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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