they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
