Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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