i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
