you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
