Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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