i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
