well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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