I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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