I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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