dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
