My room smells like vodka and shame
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
