If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
