Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
