The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
