The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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