KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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