Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I looked at my own cervix.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
