I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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