420 ftw
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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