and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize