Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize