His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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