Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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