Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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