I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
