he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
