I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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