I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
