I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
