I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
