i jhust puked up my retainher.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
