TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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