I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
