This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
