Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
barbara walters just said penis...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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