i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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