There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
