so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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