a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
