If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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