I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
