is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
