I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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