Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
there is puke in my bra ... again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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