man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
