Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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