Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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