Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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