ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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