Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Are my feet made of real feet?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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