You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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