it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
