is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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