Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
