What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
