my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
